Why the truth about snackfoods must never be told

Who sat down and thought of pickled herring? I mean seriously who goes around and says lets stuff some small boney fish into a brine and vinegar mixture and then eat it with crackers....who are these people? ....are they also responsible for pickled eggs?....is there a vast conspiracy of people pickling odd foodstuffs? ...and if there is, are they descended from the ancient priests of Egypt who were known to pickle people's internal organs as well as wrap their remaining body parts until they were dried out...LIKE TOAST!!!!!...That's it!!!...the ancient civilization of Egypt wasn't trying to preserve their pharaohs...they just wanted affordable snack items for the Saturday evening races.... and perhaps the "judging" in the afterlife wasn't from your deeds in life but from how well you went with beer(Egyptians were the first civilization to make microbrews)....you know ....i should really eat lunch before sitting down at the computer